Valley oaks are falling down, my fair lady

I am out of snark today, so good thing someone else in the Visalia vicinity gathered it up from its deathbed in the gutter and splattered it across the Internet for me. I thought I’d repost it here as a token of my appreciation.

Back story: the city of Visalia does not let people remove oak trees from their property. But some trees have been collapsing lately and causinga bit of damage, making some residents pretty pissed at the ordinance. And naturally, when residents are pissed, they go to the Internet to tell everyone they’re pissed.

Some guy named Nate responded to these people on the Visalia Times-Delta boards:

“It’s obvious that these oak trees are the newest criminal street gang in town. We must take action! We need to hire more police to crack down on this limb dropping that is terrorizing our community. They probably will need some more substations and expensive electronics as well. Arnie must be petitioned to build more prisons to house these vicious creatures. But that is just the beginning; we need to outlaw all trees! Clearly they are dangerous, they interfere with parking lots, and worst of all, liberals like them. Once we have the tree problem under control, we’ll get rid of grass and flowers. Then Visalia will be a paradise, filled with nothing but asphalt, dust and cows. Ghostrider, organize your Klan buddies, cleanfreak, gather the Daughters of the Confederacy, we need a good old-fashioned posse to teach these trees about Visalia justice!”

Hells yes. Thanks Nate for rescuing me from a sarcastic-less existence today.

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3 Comments »

  1. joe Said:

    The V.T.D.’s headline , “OLD TREES, NEW PERIL,” is distinctly reminiscent of the title of CNN’s new series, “Planet in Peril.” When I think peril, I think gun violence, disease, war, and yes, global warming. NEVER do i lose sleep over oaks or improper pruning.

  2. Barkos Said:

    Wild unpruned trees roaming the streets…won’t be safe out there…

  3. That’s a pity. I recently visited the The Mooney Grove Museum, and the oaks there were really magnificient. BTW, why is Visalia so protective about the Oak trees?


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