How not to write about SuperTarget’s opening

This. Is. A. CRAP. Article.

The Times-Delta is at it again, disguising a big full-page ad as a news story. Does it answer anything anyone wants to know, like what’s so Super about the new Super Target in Tulare? And why it’s even CALLED Super Target? Does anyone know? Should I leave my kryptonite at home just in case?

But what I do know is that some lady named Celina Maldonado thinks it’s “awesome.”

And that, my friends, is all you ever need to know.

Not if there was any neighborhood opposition, if there’s a mom-and-pop store that will be squeezed out of business across the street, and why, according to this (thanks queervisalia.com!) is there only two SuperTargets in California, and one is in Tulare!?

Look, I’m pretty much not a fan of big huge box stores, but I admit to visiting the Target in Packwood Creek when I don’t feel like wasting precious resources driving all around town, contributing to the bad air quality and emptying my wallet of gas money. Why Target and not Wal-Mart, words and logic can’t fully describe, but 1) cleanliness and 2) DUDE! Is that an Isaac Mizrahi designer lamp on sale?!?

Perhaps that’s why (again, according to this) Target is so gay-friendly.

Now if you believe homosexuality is a sin, then Target’s going to hell with the rest of the un-Raptured. No big deal.

(But if Jesus saves, why shouldn’t I save too with these spectacular deals?)

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5 Comments »

  1. DAVe Said:

    The only way to get things to happen is money and lots of it.

  2. And the way I’m planning on getting lots of money?

    Shopping at Target.

    Wow, look at the discounts! By this time next year, I’ll be a MILLIONAIRE with all the cash I saved!

    (extra snark.)

  3. Marcus Jump Said:

    Its ‘Super’, because it has a Starbucks, AND a Pizza Hut! Watch in the future for the Mega-Ultra-Turbo Target Stores, where you can purchase groceries, shop for imported goods, eat heavily processed foods, get part time employment, and live in the on-site employee domicile’s, chinese-factory worker style. Soon, you won’t have to even see the light of day. Thank you Tar-zgay!

  4. barkos Said:

    Soon huge city blocks will house humans by the thousands, surrounded only by…Choxie?!

  5. Hey thanks to the link to Queer Visalia! 🙂

    I like your blog….


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