Ripping the flavor out of downtown

I had this scheming cheap evil friend who shall remain nameless and is completely undeserving of any “friend” title I might bestow upon him for lack of better word to call him. Anyway, he told me about last year’s Taste of Downtown event. (This year it’s Oct. 2, by the way.) He also told me how he fully intended on purchasing a $30 wristband, with full-on finger quotes around the word “intended,” but they were sold out on the night of the event. This cheapskate jerk then told me about how he just approached the different restaurants and that it was so crowded they couldn’t keep track of who had the wristbands or not. The different restaurants let him eat without paying a dime.

Nameless Stupid Jerk was bragging about how he was ripping off the downtown Visalian bread and butter. The restaurants that need every dollar to stay in competition from the crappy Olive Gardens of this world. The very same restaurants Stupid Nameless Stupid Jerk Face complains about!

You, dear reader, must understand how Visalia-think is… “Oooh, there’s a _____ coming to Visalia!” To me, if you can recognize the name (and it’s not Trader Joes), it’s not worth eating at. Why? BECAUSE IT’S A CHAIN, STUPID.

Sure, not all chains are bad, but given the choice between sending money to hard-working locals with a dream to maintain a good restaurant or flushing money down the corporate-centered toilet, I hope you can grasp by my vivid word imagery that I would choose the former.

So Total Loser Cheapskate, I hope you read this and come to a realization that one day you will roast in a special kind of Hell, preferably one catered by Applebees.

Info from the Times-Delta:

“Visalia’s 14th Annual Taste of Downtown event will be 5-9 p.m. Oct. 2. Tickets are on sale for $30 now at the Downtown Visalians and Alliance business office, 104 S. Church St. Stop by and pick them up or call and have them held for you by using your credit card.

The event features 27 downtown restaurants. Armed with a map and, hopefully, good walking shoes, participants can start anywhere they like and stroll along tasting some of Visalia’s finest foods.

Bank of the Sierra will host a wine-and-cheese tasting 5-8 p.m., and Visalia Community Bank will host a beer tasting, also 5-8 p.m.

There will be root beer floats provided by A&W at Garden Street Plaza, where the St. John’s River Boat Band will play and the sounds of Still Water band can be heard as you walk past the Fox Theatre.

Information: 732-7737.”

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