ILKFSCLAFKLC

KFSC 94.1 FM
http://www.myspace.com/kfsc941

I would like to announce to my friends, my loved ones and anyone else in the world who is reading this that I love KFSC like a fat kid loves cake. I randomly tuned in today to a really interesting chat show about Visalia issues and news (hells yes, I’m not the only local culture whore out there!).

Problem is, I don’t know what it was called or when it played or what it sounds like or if this was all a dream (my vote is for the latter because KFSC is That. Awesome.). I only heard it on the 5 minute drive to my boring non-snarky life that has taken over my way cool snarky fun life lately. Does anyone know what it was or who did it?

In any case, I highly recommend turning your radio dial to 94.1 on every half an hour and running some kind of voice recognition software to see who that dude was for me. And then you should probably stalk him for me too, then get arrested for trespassing for me. It’s all I ask.

(I suppose I could post a comment to http://www.myspace.com/kfsc941 and ask them myself if I wanted, but what’s the fun in that? I’m trying to get AWAY from the stupid boring non-snark world I have to put up with every day.)

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Why Fresno is like your drunk uncle Steve

Both Fresno and Steve (if your aunt Mary is to be believed) register on the top 10 drunkest things in the nation.

I tried to make them go to rehab — and your drunk uncle Steve was a willing and mobile participant — but not Fresnooooo, nooooo, nooooo.

An open letter to Crawdaddy’s.

Dear Crawdaddy’s:

The 50-person brawl this weekend was awe-inspiring. Please, let’s see some more. Police are bored on Friday nights, and the kids crave things to smash. I also would like something to watch, as the writer’s strike has left nothing but inane reality shows on TV, and I could easily just watch reality itself if these large-scale fights are able to continue.

I also want to extend my thanks that you put your neighbors out of business during your construction, because your presence is surely a gift to Visalia and totally worth the extra rezoning footwork and tax dollars the city threw your way. I just wish you were able to build your own parking lot, since the one right behind your building is apparently for poor people, the kind that would smash up your place if you ever let them in.

I also enjoy your $10 cocktails, which I charge on my credit card because I can’t afford them otherwise. Your fine liquor does the double duty of letting my mind forget about my copious amounts of debt for a minute and be fully entertained by your hired professional wrestlers who dress up as gangsters and smash bottles against patios. I do have to add the vomiting is a wonderful touch as it adds a sense of realism and terror in those of us who were only there for the show.

With sincere gratitude,
-*snark

P.S.: You can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Magoo’s show on Friday

Got a nice MySpace message from Justin Stie politely asking me to promote this show, and why the hell not? It’s what this blog is about, so here’s the info:

MAH’OP – reggae
Justin Stie and the Trees – rock
Ted Nunes – acoustic

@ Magoos Pizza -1615 Mooney Blvd

Friday Nov 23
$5
ALL AGES
9pm

Feel free to forward this on!

I will also post your nice, polite Visalia-based events here, too, if you would only ask! Hit me up on my MySpace, leave a comment on this blog, or email visaliasnark at yahoo daught calm.

Bring a guitar and some attitude…It’s Open Mic Night at The Cellar Door!

from barkos:

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It took quite some effort to drag my lazy carcass out of the house on a Tuesday night. But it happened nonetheless due to my utter fascination with the concept of “open mic night” and a desire to not feel like too much of a worthless contributor this fabulous site (plug. plug.)

As a musician, the concept of having a place where anyone with an iota of talent (and of course those that don’t) and an instrument can get up and play to a alternately drunk and appreciative audience, is truly wonderful. For many years I was a regular at Club Fred in Fresno’s open mic night and that scene was pretty chaotic but always fun. My hopes were that a Visalia open mic could dredge out all the poor souls locked in their homes brilliantly strumming away with no one to hear them. I arrived at the C.D. (yes I am trying to start an abbreviation trend here…) by bike, at approximately 8:45pm. The talent ostensibly was supposed to start around 8:30pm but like most music venues, nothing ever starts on time. I figured I was safe to scope out a spot and order a beer. It was pretty dead to start with but soon more and more people flowed into the place. What I have liked about the C.D. (there it is again…catching on yet!?) at the few shows I have seen there, is that fact that it draws such a wide variety of Visalians. You get young people just out looking for a date (sadly they are the most annoying of club goers in my opinion), crusty old musicians who seem like they haven’t played in years in front of people, older people out for a drink and some entertainment…and this night wasn’t any different. As the night wore on, several things happened which deserve to be commented on, however, in the interest of fairness and anonymity, I will not offer any negative opinions of those brave enough to get up on stage in front of strangers with alcohol. Random events were as follows:

Some mention by the host, (comedian/bartender “Gary”) of that night’s flow being not like the usual set up. He says there is usually a full band set up. Hmmm, very intriging.

Cackling gaggle of women acting sufficiently brainless in order to lure equally brainless men to hit on them.

A Dinuba drama teacher with a nylon string guitar with enough stage presence to carry us all. This guy made my bike ride worth it. And we had the same type of hat!

Open mic rule #1: Be prepared. Bring notes, extra picks, illegal drugs…whatever you need to get your point across.

Leave your flash option turned on, or you may get unintentionally artsy pics like these:

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A performer, sometime after his set, spilled a drink on the hardwood floor. He continued to play guitar from the audience while an employee cleaned up the mess.

Open mic rule #2: Anything goes. Bring poems. Bring a guitar. Bring electric eels and strawberry jam. Uh, scratch that, leave anything living at home. Strawberry jam? Still cool…

Bottom line, The Cellar Door is not just for musicians. If you have a talent, you may have an audience. And to top it off everyone was cool, no boo’s or heckling at all! Unless you were a comedian, but hey they have a tougher hide than the rest of us. No really, it’s been scientifically proven.

I plan to get out there as much as possible and so hope to see some new talent soon. That means YOU! We have to support this kind of forum before it disappears and we’re all wondering what the hell we’re going to do with a jar of strawberry jam and an eel on a Tuesday night. Believe me there aren’t that many options.

-Barkos

What Visalia does with MySpace (no no, this time it’s legal — and amazing!)

This is what happens when you have a little time to kill and you choose MySpace as your murder weapon: you click on friends of friends of friends and then you stumble upon some awesome stuff happening in your corner of the world AND the world, simultaneously.

For the local bands

559 Band Index
http://www.myspace.com/559bandindex

This is the place for bands in the 559 to post bulletins and befriend each other. Someone who works for the COS newspaper put out an all-points bullletin with a tantalizing offer: List your band and possibly get reviewed in the paper. Looks like there’s lots of rock/punk/metal/hardcore stuff so far. Come on you mariachi/folk/polka/marching bands! Show ’em what you’re made of!

Concrete Culture
http://www.myspace.com/dayoftheartist

If you liked the idea of free reviews/publicity of your music in print, you will probably like the idea of free airplay even more. Concrete Culture is now looking for local bands and musicians of all types to play on 94.1 FM, the community radio station which is possibly the best thing to happen to Visalia since Aaron Gomes and is worthy of a whole ‘nother separate post, but for right now, yeah, send all of your music to Concrete Culture!

(This MySpace could also easily fit in the category below, but since I just happened to catch Concrete Culture’s bulletin about the bands, I decided to stick it in this one.)

For the artists

Visalia Art Community
http://groups.myspace.com/VisaliaArtCommunity

One thing that MySpace does not do well is groups. It doesn’t track any group activity on your home page, neither does it integrate it into anything else you normally do on MySpace. But it helps to just have a directory of people who are interested in the same thing to start contacting each other. In that case, Visalia Art Community gets a humongous thumbs up from me. (And Tom gets a giant complaint letter about the interface of his dumb site, with which we all have to work extra hard to make it any useful.)

For the filmmakers

Entandem Productions
http://www.myspace.com/entandemproductions

This group is all about independent film — and the making of it — right here in the Central Valley.

Their words: “Entandem Productions is as dedicated to local economic development as we are to original art. We use San Joaquin Valley locations and talent to produce locally made films for national and international distribution.”

They are also the sponsor of the fresnofilmmakersforum.com, which we just missed but judging by the overwhelming turnout will be held again, for sure.

For the political activists

Food Not Bombs Visalia
http://www.myspace.com/foodnotbombsvisalia

A brand new Visalia chapter of the nationwide group Food Not Bombs “collects surplus food that would otherwise go to waste from grocery stores, bakeries and markets, then prepare it into community meals which are served for free to anyone who is hungry.” Simple enough — then you add the messages of peace and vegetarianism to the mix, which makes for a very unique soup kitchen. All hungry hippies apply!

Know any more?

Leave a comment here if you know of any other group out there doing something amazing with MySpace that involves Visalia. Or message me at my MySpace, because while sometimes I will browse the bulletins to see if something catches my eye, most of the time I will not bother with clicking on 200 “I updated my music on my profile! Comment because I need your approval to exist” notices. (And if you’re doing that, for the love of God please stop it.)

Horror movie festival, independent films, and other moves that aren’t Spiderman 3

Eight low-budget horror movies playing at the downtown Visalia theater? I just have to say, this sounds absolutely one-hundred percent bad-ass. More bad-ass than Big Bubba’s Bad-Ass BBQ, which is pretty damn bad-ass.

  • The Deaths of Ian Stone” — A young man is forced to relive his death over and over again. Screens at 7 p.m. today; 1 and 7 p.m. Monday
  • “Nightmare Man” — A woman and her friends are stalked by a mysterious force while hiding out in a remote cabin. Costars Richard Moll from “Night Court” fame. Screens at 1 and 7 p.m. Sunday; 3:30 p.m. Thursday.
  • “Crazy Eights” — While attending the funeral of a childhood friend, six people go on a creepy treasure hunt. Costars former porn star Traci Lords. BAD-ASS! Screens at 3:30 and 9:30 p.m. Sunday; 7 p.m. Thursday.
  • “Unearthed” — A 9,000-year-old creature dug up during an archeological survey chows down on the citizens of a small town. Screens at 1 and 9:30 p.m. today; 3:30 and 9:30 p.m. Monday.
  • “Borderland” — Three college students vacationing in Mexico find themselves running from a blood cult that wants to use them as human sacrifices. Screens at 3:30 p.m. today; 1 and 7 p.m. Tuesday.
  • “Mulberry Street” — Zombies descend on New York City, forcing six people to make a last stand at a crumbling apartment complex. Screens at 7 p.m. Saturday; 3:30 and 9 p.m. Wednesday.
  • “Tooth and Nail” — In a post-apocalyptic world, cannibals attack a band of survivors holed up in an abandoned hospital. Screens at 3:30 p.m. Saturday; 1 and 7 p.m. Wednesday.
  • “Lake Dead” — Three sisters and their friends are attacked by inbred rednecks in rural America. Screens at 1 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday; 3:30 and 9:30 p.m. Tuesday.
  • HOW FREAKING SWEET do these movies sound!?!? www.horrorfestonline.com has all the bad-ass trailers.

    Independent move lineup

    In more sophisticated movie news, the next few Wednesdays and Thursdays will have these following independent movies, again at the downtown Visalia theater:

  • This Wednesday and Thursday: “King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters” — A documentary about people who obsessively play the video game Donkey Kong.
  • Nov. 29-29: “In the Shadow of the Moon” — A documentary about the U.S. astronauts who landed on the moon.
  • Dec. 5-6: “Great World of Sound” — A comedy about the travails of an independent record producer.
  • Dec. 12-13: “Dedication” — A dramatic comedy about a misogynistic children’s book author. It stars Billy Crudup, Peter Bogdanovich, Mandy Moore and Amy Sedaris.
  • I know it’s not a horror festival, but the presence of both Donkey Kong and Amy Sedaris does boost the independent movie lineup a few notches on the bad-ass scale.

    Want more arts & culture in Visalia? Tell the city yourself.

    I saw this in the paper the other day and just about salivated.

    Then I got past the promise of free food at a public meeting in Brewbakers and began to salivate for a different reason.

    Here’s what it says:

    “Want more music in Visalia? Better music? Want film festivals, plays or poetry readings on something interesting? Want something different that you never thought you would see in Visalia? Think no one really cares about what you think and things will never change in Visalia?”

    This is quoted from a newspaper which quoted an email forward from city deputy manager Leslie Caviglia (which is the kind of quality first-hand information you’ve come to expect from the *snark). And to those 5 questions, I respond 1) yes, 2) yes, 3) yes, 4) yes, and 5) I hope that what you’re about to tell me will change my answer.

    Turns out, Leslie and the city staff actually want to hear what us, the people of Visalia, think about the arts and culture scene in Visalia. Imagine! A cultural plan that actually involves the young adults that participate in said culture!

    Unfortunately, that means you’re going to actually have to get off your ass and show up at Brewbakers on Tuesday, 6-8 pm.

    Then again, free food.

    • Arts groups: Noon to 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, Visalia Convention Center, 303 E. Acequia Ave., Visalia (food provided).
    • Young adults (18 and older): 6-8 p.m. Tuesday, Brewbakers, 219 E. Main St., Visalia (food provided).
    • Local artists: Noon to 1:30 p.m. Wednesday, Visalia Convention Center (food provided).
    • General public: 7-8:30 p.m. Wednesday, Visalia Convention Center. This forum is for all ages, including children.
      Information: 713-4314.

    Google also tells me that this Leslie Cavigla enigma that has never bothered to talk to us before and therefore never existed before this moment also has an email address: lcaviglia@ci.visalia.ca.us. So for those of you who have something to say about the state of the (lack of) culture but are too lazy/busy with soccer practice/resistant to be bribed with free food to come Tuesday or Wednesday, email her your ideas.

    But to those of us too unlazy/not busy with soccer practice/too cheap to buy our own damn groceries: Freeeeeee fooooooood!

    High schools wrestle for leather this weekend

    Yes. It is the big big high school football rivalry week, and whether you’re duking it out for a leather saddle or fighting to the finish for the leather skin straight off of a cow, here at visalia*snark, we appreciate a bit of good-natured trash-talking. The Battle for the Saddle game between Golden West and El Diamante high schools is so new it’s still wearing diapers (like many of El D’s squad), but the Cowhide game between Mt. Whitney and Redwood high schools has been around since the ’50s (like many of the Redwood players’ girlfriends).

    As you can tell, I’m a big supporter of the underdogs, so GO teams that will likely lose!

    In the comments link above, commence the talking of the trash.

    And now, THE guitar hero…

    I didn’t get to go to the Guitar Hero competition, but I did drive by to see a giant Sonic the Hedgehog rocking outside of the Fox Theatre. (I think I had a dream that started out like that. Or was it a nightmare?)

    Straight from the chimpette’s mouth:

    “James Matlock won won won won won won. (what a cool name–perfect winning name) He was BEYOND good. He played one handed at one point! The crowd went crazy for him (and the runner-ups)

    Sixty competitors! 200 audience members! It was so amazing. And you should have come. If you liked Sonic the Hedgehog, you would have loved the giant Mario inside the theatre 😉 ”

    Funny. Mario is also another popular subject for my dreams.

    Check out the gallery here.

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