Archive for visalia

Bring a guitar and some attitude…It’s Open Mic Night at The Cellar Door!

{ November 20, 2007 @ 12:20 am } · { events, music, nightlife, visalia }
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from barkos:

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It took quite some effort to drag my lazy carcass out of the house on a Tuesday night. But it happened nonetheless due to my utter fascination with the concept of “open mic night” and a desire to not feel like too much of a worthless contributor this fabulous site (plug. plug.)

As a musician, the concept of having a place where anyone with an iota of talent (and of course those that don’t) and an instrument can get up and play to a alternately drunk and appreciative audience, is truly wonderful. For many years I was a regular at Club Fred in Fresno’s open mic night and that scene was pretty chaotic but always fun. My hopes were that a Visalia open mic could dredge out all the poor souls locked in their homes brilliantly strumming away with no one to hear them. I arrived at the C.D. (yes I am trying to start an abbreviation trend here…) by bike, at approximately 8:45pm. The talent ostensibly was supposed to start around 8:30pm but like most music venues, nothing ever starts on time. I figured I was safe to scope out a spot and order a beer. It was pretty dead to start with but soon more and more people flowed into the place. What I have liked about the C.D. (there it is again…catching on yet!?) at the few shows I have seen there, is that fact that it draws such a wide variety of Visalians. You get young people just out looking for a date (sadly they are the most annoying of club goers in my opinion), crusty old musicians who seem like they haven’t played in years in front of people, older people out for a drink and some entertainment…and this night wasn’t any different. As the night wore on, several things happened which deserve to be commented on, however, in the interest of fairness and anonymity, I will not offer any negative opinions of those brave enough to get up on stage in front of strangers with alcohol. Random events were as follows:

Some mention by the host, (comedian/bartender “Gary”) of that night’s flow being not like the usual set up. He says there is usually a full band set up. Hmmm, very intriging.

Cackling gaggle of women acting sufficiently brainless in order to lure equally brainless men to hit on them.

A Dinuba drama teacher with a nylon string guitar with enough stage presence to carry us all. This guy made my bike ride worth it. And we had the same type of hat!

Open mic rule #1: Be prepared. Bring notes, extra picks, illegal drugs…whatever you need to get your point across.

Leave your flash option turned on, or you may get unintentionally artsy pics like these:

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A performer, sometime after his set, spilled a drink on the hardwood floor. He continued to play guitar from the audience while an employee cleaned up the mess.

Open mic rule #2: Anything goes. Bring poems. Bring a guitar. Bring electric eels and strawberry jam. Uh, scratch that, leave anything living at home. Strawberry jam? Still cool…

Bottom line, The Cellar Door is not just for musicians. If you have a talent, you may have an audience. And to top it off everyone was cool, no boo’s or heckling at all! Unless you were a comedian, but hey they have a tougher hide than the rest of us. No really, it’s been scientifically proven.

I plan to get out there as much as possible and so hope to see some new talent soon. That means YOU! We have to support this kind of forum before it disappears and we’re all wondering what the hell we’re going to do with a jar of strawberry jam and an eel on a Tuesday night. Believe me there aren’t that many options.

-Barkos

What Visalia does with MySpace (no no, this time it’s legal — and amazing!)

{ November 12, 2007 @ 2:32 am } · { local guide, spotlight, visalia }
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This is what happens when you have a little time to kill and you choose MySpace as your murder weapon: you click on friends of friends of friends and then you stumble upon some awesome stuff happening in your corner of the world AND the world, simultaneously.

For the local bands

559 Band Index
http://www.myspace.com/559bandindex

This is the place for bands in the 559 to post bulletins and befriend each other. Someone who works for the COS newspaper put out an all-points bullletin with a tantalizing offer: List your band and possibly get reviewed in the paper. Looks like there’s lots of rock/punk/metal/hardcore stuff so far. Come on you mariachi/folk/polka/marching bands! Show ‘em what you’re made of!

Concrete Culture
http://www.myspace.com/dayoftheartist

If you liked the idea of free reviews/publicity of your music in print, you will probably like the idea of free airplay even more. Concrete Culture is now looking for local bands and musicians of all types to play on 94.1 FM, the community radio station which is possibly the best thing to happen to Visalia since Aaron Gomes and is worthy of a whole ‘nother separate post, but for right now, yeah, send all of your music to Concrete Culture!

(This MySpace could also easily fit in the category below, but since I just happened to catch Concrete Culture’s bulletin about the bands, I decided to stick it in this one.)

For the artists

Visalia Art Community
http://groups.myspace.com/VisaliaArtCommunity

One thing that MySpace does not do well is groups. It doesn’t track any group activity on your home page, neither does it integrate it into anything else you normally do on MySpace. But it helps to just have a directory of people who are interested in the same thing to start contacting each other. In that case, Visalia Art Community gets a humongous thumbs up from me. (And Tom gets a giant complaint letter about the interface of his dumb site, with which we all have to work extra hard to make it any useful.)

For the filmmakers

Entandem Productions
http://www.myspace.com/entandemproductions

This group is all about independent film — and the making of it — right here in the Central Valley.

Their words: “Entandem Productions is as dedicated to local economic development as we are to original art. We use San Joaquin Valley locations and talent to produce locally made films for national and international distribution.”

They are also the sponsor of the fresnofilmmakersforum.com, which we just missed but judging by the overwhelming turnout will be held again, for sure.

For the political activists

Food Not Bombs Visalia
http://www.myspace.com/foodnotbombsvisalia

A brand new Visalia chapter of the nationwide group Food Not Bombs “collects surplus food that would otherwise go to waste from grocery stores, bakeries and markets, then prepare it into community meals which are served for free to anyone who is hungry.” Simple enough — then you add the messages of peace and vegetarianism to the mix, which makes for a very unique soup kitchen. All hungry hippies apply!

Know any more?

Leave a comment here if you know of any other group out there doing something amazing with MySpace that involves Visalia. Or message me at my MySpace, because while sometimes I will browse the bulletins to see if something catches my eye, most of the time I will not bother with clicking on 200 “I updated my music on my profile! Comment because I need your approval to exist” notices. (And if you’re doing that, for the love of God please stop it.)

Want more arts & culture in Visalia? Tell the city yourself.

{ November 11, 2007 @ 1:36 am } · { big issues, community & culture, events, visalia }
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I saw this in the paper the other day and just about salivated.

Then I got past the promise of free food at a public meeting in Brewbakers and began to salivate for a different reason.

Here’s what it says:

“Want more music in Visalia? Better music? Want film festivals, plays or poetry readings on something interesting? Want something different that you never thought you would see in Visalia? Think no one really cares about what you think and things will never change in Visalia?”

This is quoted from a newspaper which quoted an email forward from city deputy manager Leslie Caviglia (which is the kind of quality first-hand information you’ve come to expect from the *snark). And to those 5 questions, I respond 1) yes, 2) yes, 3) yes, 4) yes, and 5) I hope that what you’re about to tell me will change my answer.

Turns out, Leslie and the city staff actually want to hear what us, the people of Visalia, think about the arts and culture scene in Visalia. Imagine! A cultural plan that actually involves the young adults that participate in said culture!

Unfortunately, that means you’re going to actually have to get off your ass and show up at Brewbakers on Tuesday, 6-8 pm.

Then again, free food.

  • Arts groups: Noon to 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, Visalia Convention Center, 303 E. Acequia Ave., Visalia (food provided).
  • Young adults (18 and older): 6-8 p.m. Tuesday, Brewbakers, 219 E. Main St., Visalia (food provided).
  • Local artists: Noon to 1:30 p.m. Wednesday, Visalia Convention Center (food provided).
  • General public: 7-8:30 p.m. Wednesday, Visalia Convention Center. This forum is for all ages, including children.
    Information: 713-4314.

Google also tells me that this Leslie Cavigla enigma that has never bothered to talk to us before and therefore never existed before this moment also has an email address: lcaviglia@ci.visalia.ca.us. So for those of you who have something to say about the state of the (lack of) culture but are too lazy/busy with soccer practice/resistant to be bribed with free food to come Tuesday or Wednesday, email her your ideas.

But to those of us too unlazy/not busy with soccer practice/too cheap to buy our own damn groceries: Freeeeeee fooooooood!

Some Halloween crap to do in Visalia!

{ October 26, 2007 @ 11:06 pm } · { art, community & culture, events, faith, get involved, visalia }
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Nothing is scarier than Halloween. Also, nothing is scarier than Visalia. And when you put two and two together, you better wear your Depends with that J-Lo costume, honey, because it’s going to be a guaranteed shit-in-your-pants-fest. (And also because it makes your butt look just about her size.)

Here’s the only Halloween week/weekend events you need to know about:

Vossler Farms

For the I-am-so-lost-and-will-never-
see-my-family-again kind of scary

Not since the X-Files movie has corn ever looked or smelled so terrifying. That earthy damp stench gets to you about hour 6 of fighting your way out of that damn maze. And when you conveniently forget your flashlight and were too cheap to buy one at the stand and the sun sets on you in the middle of only station #7, don’t come crying to me. Cry instead to your friendly neighborhood helicopter pilot, like I told you before to do.

(Go to www.vosslerfarms.com for times, prices, etc. etc. )

Sequoia Mall Haunted Warehouse

For the why-yes-I-do-enjoy-camouflaged-demented-
unpaid-volunteers-to-jump-in-front-of-me kind of scary

Ever since Ross vacated the Sequoia Mall for greener pastures, the city of Visalia has taken that as a metaphor that Ross has passed away and is in Heaven now with all the pretty angels and a Dress Barn. The empty grave in the side of the mall is now a haunted hellhole, and they conveniently charge $5 admission to see it.

Time: 6-10 pm Oct. 26-27 and 6-9 pm Oct. 29-31.

(And it can’t be left unsaid: If I were to come up with a name out of thin air for a clothing store where all the pretty angels shopped, it would have to be Dress Barn.)

Hobbs Grove

For the all-of-the-above-plus-a-hay-ride kind of scary

I confess, it’s been years since I’ve made the trek to Sanger, but it’s a tradition for many Central Valley residents to take their little cousin on the haunted hayride just to see if they get knocked over by a goblin. (Head injuries are fun AND scary!)

But I haven’t been to Hobb’s Grove in a long time. Also, it’s hella expensive. If you’re 12 and up, it’s $10 for the hayride, $12.50 for the haunted house, and $12.50 for the haunted forest.

That boooooooo sound you hear across town is not a ghost — it’s 200 mothers booing those prices.

Thurston Moore

For the holy-hell-what-kind-of-superstar-magnet-
place-is-this-town-becoming kind of scary

Experimental-art-rock god Thurston Moore — yes, the guy in Sonic Youth, I shit you not — is coming to Howie and Son’s on Halloween night. Rumor has it that he actually asked to come to Visalia, which will make him the first person in history to ever ask to come to Visalia.

9 pm Oct. 31, $10. Wear costumes, but no masks. Personally, I’m going to dress up as Thurston Moore and steal his equipment to auction on eBay. No one copy me.

Corey’s Halloween Nightmare Show

For the how-many-sharp-pointy-
metal-things-are-ON-these-people? kind of scary

For all your punk, hardcore, crustcore, apple-core, Marine-core and other -core needs, visit the aptly-named Corey’s show Oct. 27 at 4 pm 3636 S Sallee. Just follow the trail of death across from Sequoia Mall — and this time the corpses have nothing to do with Sears.

Wear a costume and it’s $2, be a loser and it’s $4.

And eyeliner is NOT a costume.

Magoo’s… or… ?

For the what-the-hell-is-this?-
Do-I-even-want-to-know? kind of scary

“Halloween bash at magoo’s on saturday.”

That’s all I know about that. Um, thanks MushroomJazz….. ?

Harvest Festivals galore

For the I-drink-the-symbolic-blood-of-a-2000-year-old-rabbi-
but-I-won’t-let-my-kids-watch-The-Simpsons kind of scary

OK, I’m really not anti-Christian here (looks up at God and awaits my smiting). See, look, I’m listing all you churches who want to hollow out Halloween and turn it into some generic harvest festival. See? Publicity!

Oct. 31, from 5-ish to 9-ish, all these places will be having… sigh… “harvest festivals”….

* Heart of the Valley Christian Fellowship, Walnut and County Center * GateWay Church, 1100 S. Sowell * Visalia New Life Church, 1905 E. Noble * Sundale Union School, 13990 Ave. 240 in Tulare * Wayside Church of Nazarene, 1929 E Bardsley in Tulare * Tulare Community Church, 1820 Gem St. in Tulare.

And I just realized that people will look up the names of these churches on Google in good faith, find my site and see a cuss word or two. If that is you reading this right now, I am sorry to have defiled your virgin eyes.

*smite*

Grab bag of other Halloween stuff

For the who-gives-a-crap kind of scary

  • Costume party at The Depot 9 pm Oct. 27 with Rene Emilio playing whatever he plays every week at The Depot. Sounds like it’s for rich people.
  • Buckman Mitchell Haunted Insurance — er, Hotel. On Oct. 31 3-5 pm they will turn their old downtown building into a haunted-yet-kid-friendly hotel. Sounds like it’s for poor people. (And, funnily enough, it is — price of admission is canned food for Visalia Emergency Aid.)

Not-so-Halloween stuff

For the this-ain’t-scary-this-is-my-brother kind of non-scary

These events have nothing to do with Halloween, but they’re this weekend anyway, and as a public service announcement I would like to remind you of how I may or may not have informed you of their existences:

  • Sundays at the Oval. WHY this event had next to ZERO press coverage is completely mind-boggling. It has everything the media could want – city council candidates, city council candidates on the NORTH SIDE in a PUBLIC AREA, a community radio station that’s by all accounts made completely from scratch from Visalian volunteers, music, and a family-friendly festival in a notorious park… it’s absolute bullshit that no one is paying attention. So I am here to do the right thing and promote this event. It’s this Sunday the 28, 2-7 pm. The flyer can be found here. And you should go there.
  • Guitar Hero tournament. I’m a big fan of Guitar Hero, and I’m stoked that Saturday there will be a tournament in the historical halls of the Fox Theatre from 12-9 pm. It’s $3 to watch, $20 to play, and the top award is $200. And the Widders perform, too, making that $3 worth the price of admission.
  • Downtown Arts Trolley – Just show up downtown Oct. 27 (Saturday) from 11 to 3 pm, and the trolley will give you a free ride to several arts venues in downtown Visalia. Yes, there are several.

 

Anyone have any other events going on? I’ll do a post-Halloween roundup once this spooky crap is done with. So send in your submissions!

The Ultimate Scare: Candy from the Mall

{ October 22, 2007 @ 1:45 am } · { local guide, visalia }
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Well folks it’s inching towards October 31st and I hope you are all happy with yourselves. Not content with killing the true meaning of Christmas (you know…that feeling you get when you pretended to be surprised after unwrapping a toy that you had begged and begged your parents for for 11 months) now you have gone and executed the visceral joy that was All Hallows Eve. So now that you’re all completely protected and safe from the horrors of razor blade apples ( a non-existent urban myth) and strangers poisoning candy (1 reported incident and it was a FAMILY MEMBER trying to cash in insurance money.), we are all free and able to take our children to a place that truly inspires fear: your local mall. Upon our arrival in Visalia 3 years ago, we decided to take our kids trick or treating in the supposedly affluent side of town at the suggestion of a co-worker. What we found were empty streets and lonely street lamps standing around as if to say “this is scary, no? I mean aside from the fact that I can talk. I’m just a street lamp and I’m frickin’ scared…hold me?”. Imagine my fear when I heard that most kids just go to the mall to have underpaid retail store employees joylessly (and lets not forget safely) hand them candy. Now I may be old but when I was a kid, we actually dared to leave the house with a bag and knock on our neighbors’ doors (gasp!) expecting candy and hoping for a little something more; the possibility of being scared. To me, this is what Halloween is all about, the thrill of being scared..although it’s more traditional origins stem more from the pagan Day of the Dead in which costumes and decorations were meant to scare off the spirits purported to be visiting us around that time of year. But I’m not going that far back…jeez, I mean how old do you think I am? To me the tradition of trick or treating is entirely suffocated when you confine it to something as banal as the mall. I mean, what the heck is so scary there? That weird cheese they serve in cups at the pretzel store? Ok, I’ll grant you that but besides that and all the wandering extras from a music video…what is there? The scariest thing I ever saw in a mall was in “Dawn of the Dead” and those were zombies in a movie, not food court employees in real life (though their markings are similar) So I say: let’s bring it back! If anyone comes to your door this Halloween, make sure you scare the living crud out of them. Lets do it and do it soon…before our kids end up at WalMart or even a Super Target, lifelessly holding out a pre-printed Disney bag asking for candy, smug in the assumption that they will get exactly that…and not a thing more.

-Barkos

Sweet, sweet local podcasts

{ October 15, 2007 @ 10:24 pm } · { local guide, visalia }
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Podcasts are wonderful. They let any moron with a microphone and a computer host their own online radio show, which gets downloaded 5 times by family members and lasts about 3 weeks before the said moron gets bored and goes back to bean-counting for a living.

But some people are natural-born podcasters who withstand that test of time, and some of those happen to hail from our beloved center of the universe called Visalia.

I now listen to 3 on a regular basis, so when I’m on long drives to get the hell away from the center of the universe called Visalia, I can still keep that digital tether intact.

The Jaded Visalian

Get jaded, Visalia: TheJadedVisalian.com rocks. I’ve linked to these guys in my blogroll but feel extra-special now that visalia*snark got a shoutout in their latest podcast. So here’s a shout straight back.

About them: Dave and Jen are self-described “misfit Christians,” a fun couple who have a knack for making the everyday stuff entertaining, which is an oh-so-important survival skill when you live in V-Town. They can make a casserole cookoff sound totally w00t-worthy.

Expect to hear: Updates on their day-to-day lives, silly stories about their kids, and an occasional outburst of mariachi music any time they mention Mexico.

Maxeamus Radio Exito

I remember listening in back in the day when RealAudio was the latest in cutting-edge Internet sound technology. And the tagline is still the same: “Broadcasting from the beautiful white sandy beaches of Visalia, California.” Which is great, because while Visalia isn’t beautiful or sandy, it is indeed white.

About him: this is long-time local internet radio-veteran-slash-hero New Seamus and his newest musical reincarnation.

Expect to hear: Lots of great indie rock music interspersed with observances and life updates by the host. Usually not safe for work, as New Seamus has a tender affection for the f-bomb. Also docks organized religion in a big way, so if you’re easily offended, cover your ears. He also co-hosts another podcast called…

It’s Weird to be Alive

A super-entertaining pseudo-intellectual couple-cast talk show. It’s New Seamus and his wife and it’s part of the Maxeamus Radio Exito network.

About them: According to their theme song, “New Seamus and Berkson fell in love and they made this kick-ass show, so today’s your lucky day!” That’s all you need to know. And yes, it truly is weird to be alive.

Expect to hear: Organic discussions on life and music and personal stories, mixed in with lots of cussing and couple-banter (the highly enjoyable kind). They also occasionally have special guests if they so feel like it.

So those are my top 3 Visalia-based podcasts. My iTunes is finding a whole lot more when I search for “Visalia,” but I haven’t had the time to really listen to them. I know lots of local churches are putting their sermons online to download, too. I’m also seeing some other interesting titles that I’ll have to check out sometime soon.

And, as always, if you know of any that you think I’d like, leave them in the comments below…

[EDIT:]

Here’s one more.

El Diamante video podcast

About them: I just spoke to Jim Sill at El Diamante and he and his students are putting together a fantastic video podcast that should start broadcasting again by the end of the week. They’ve been pulled directly from their monthly magazine-style TV show at El Diamante High School. He says he’s got some segments in the bag already, it’s just a matter of posting them to the videocast. Click here to subscribe via iTunes. It’s called “On Air with Ed Hews” there.

Expect to hear:  “News, entertainment, commercials, and humor,” according to the podcast description, and from what I’ve seen from last year’s students, it’s going to be top quality.