Archive for September, 2007

Mary Wheeler for President!!

{ September 30, 2007 @ 5:21 pm } · { big issues, politics }
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Before I begin, I have to say that my hatred for KSEE 24 is compounded by the fact that 1) they don’t have a Comcast On Demand section while 4 other local networks do, 2) I can’t tell Stefani Booroojian and Alex Delgado apart (not their fault, but whoever does the hiring needs to rethink their strategies), and 3) the serious lack of Kopi Sotiropulous does damage to my serotonin levels.

Anyway, after struggling to download the stupid, stupid KSEE 24 video and having finally seen the Visalia City Council forum via other, more illicit means, I have come to this simple conclusion: Mary Wheeler is severely shortcoming herself with this meager run for Podunk City Council.

She needs to run for President of the World.

Not only does this magnificant woman with the southern drawl NOT know what Trader Joe’s is, housing density is, or that Visalia even had a historical district, her last name is Wheeler and she is in a wheelchair, and that makes her absolutely ROCK.

This amazing woman has to be seen to be believed, and boy do I wish I could recommend the KSEE 24 link to all y’all. But nooooooo.

[EDIT: More local election information is here.]

Open Mic nights downtown

{ September 26, 2007 @ 4:54 pm } · { community & culture, events, music, nightlife, the creative scene, what's new in town }
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Every Tuesday at 8:30 pm the Cellar Door has open mic/jam nights. Check it out:

Comedy at Howies? And it’s not Mandell?

{ September 25, 2007 @ 5:04 am } · { events, nightlife }
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I have never conceived of the day that Howie and Sons would have an all-comedy roundup. So I am intrigued. Is this a first? And the most important question is: will it be lame?

It’s got Comedy Central written all over it, and Sound n Vision rarely disappoints, so sources point to no. But will crowds eat up pizza parlor jokes like the gooey greasy garlic cheese pizzas they order — because they’re there, not because they really want it?

You decide.

—————– Bulletin Message —————–
From: Sound n Vision Mag!
Date: Sep 24, 2007 8:27 PM

Wednesday, September 26, 2007
NEIL HAMBURGER (New Mexico)
Pleaseeasaur (Seattle)
Gary Lee (Visalia)
$5, All Ages, 9:30pm
Howie & Son’s Pizza & Beer Parlor

Known as “America’s Funnyman” hard-working comedian Neil Hamburger has toured the world. In 2006 alone, Hamburger performed a record 420 shows. He recently opened for Tenacious D during their Pick of Destiny Tour. In the movie, The Pick of Destiny, Hamburger made a brief cameo appearance before Tenacious D came on stage to perform. Neil Hamburger is also frequently on Comedy Central’s “Poolside Chats” w/ Tom Green.

His approach to stand-up comedy is very unique. He creates a lot of tension by continuously clearing his throat and sustaining long, awkward pauses, which causes the audience to hang on his every word. His routine goes on many crazy tangents, and is often altered on the spot to incorporate the crowd. We are excited to have him at Howie’s Pizza because Neil has already dedicated a whole album “Great Moments At Di Presa’s Pizza House” to pizza parlor related jokes. I can’t think of a cooler venue for him than Howie & Son’s Pizza!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Neil’s touring support is Seattle’s, Pleaseeasaur. Pleaseeasaur is an astonishing two-man entertainment strike-force comprised of performer/musician JP Hasson and projectionist/costume designer/multimedia extraordinaire Thomas Hurley III. The duo recently signed a 7 year contract with the prestigious Comedy Central. The dynamic duo specializes in the absurd…and the absurdly funny.

The evening’s first performer will be Visalia local Gary Lee.

Gary Lee performed a short comedy routine during the VAM Festival that went over so well that I absolutely had to put him on the Neil Hamburger bill. Gary is a young and determined local comedian on the rise.

Hope to see you there,
VF

The candidates forum will be televised

{ September 20, 2007 @ 9:34 pm } · { big issues, community & culture, get involved, politics }
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Apparently, there will be a forum of Visalia city council candidates at at El Diamante High School from 7-9 p.m. Sept. 24 (that’s this Monday). And the good news is that it will be televised on KSEE 24, or Comcast channel 195, or www.ksee24.com, depending on who you believe. I’m quite stoked about the webcast, I don’t think that’s ever been done in Visalia before. (Has it?) However, I also hear a rumor that for some stupid reason, you have to click on the “Weather” section of ksee24.com to view it. I guess because this candidate forum will come at you like a hurricane or something. :/

Anyway, all 7 candidates said they will be attending:

Bob Link (the incumbent)
Timothy Fosberg
Mike Lane
Rusty Barker
Amy Shuklian
Roland Lee Soltesz
Mary Wheeler

(if anyone knows of any candidate websites I’m missing, please email me at visaliasnark at yahoo daught calm.)

It’s interesting to note that the only thing I remember from any of these candidates is this article. Basically, Mike Lane lashed out at the parents of a group of kids arrested for having a brawl at school, saying the parents should be the ones held responsible. Candidates reacted. This will probably be hot topic #1 at the forum, since it seems like there’s not much else to talk about these candidates. Hopefully this debate will reveal more differences and make the choice a little more clear for us voters.

Download a list of all this year’s candidates in the area for any position, ever.

(Side note: The next candidate forum will be for the school board of trustees: 7-9 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 8, at the Mill Creek Conference Center, also known as the Elks Club Lodge. I think it’s still the same deal, with KSEE covering it on television and such.)

Oh, Vossler’s, what times we’ve had.

{ September 19, 2007 @ 11:03 pm } · { community & culture, events, spotlight, what's new in town }
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Whoever said Vossler’s Corn Maze closed down is a big fat liar.

Here’s how to have the most fun at the corn maze this year:

  • Get 10 to 200 of your closest friends together and get them all tipsy. Just enough to be giggly, but not drunk enough to prohibit driving/being kicked out for disorderly conduct/having bad breath.
  • Split those 200 people into teams and see who can punch in at all the checkpoints first.
  • Block out 3 or 4 hours of your day for this godforsaken task.
  • Don’t forget the flashlights. Do. NOT. FORGET. The flashlights.
  • Keep a helicopter pilot on speed dial. Just in case.

Hours & info:

  • Just north of South Mooney Boulevard and Avenue 266
  • September hours: Fridays and Saturdays, 5-10 p.m.; Sundays, 5-9 p.m. (Beginning Sept. 29, maze is open daily except Monday and Tuesday).
  • Prices: 12-54, $8; 11 and younger, $6; 55 and older, $5; 4 and younger and those with current military ID, free
  • Information: (888) 528-1724; www.vosslerfarms.com

(EDIT: The no-fun joykillers at Vossler Farms said that among the basic rules: no running or throwing corn, no alcoholic beverages and no smoking. Booo-urns.)

(EDIT AGAIN!: I found two videos online for Vossler Farms — the first one is at the Times-Delta website and the second one is at The Jaded Visalian. Check em out. Also: who knew that the Times-Delta employed someone so HOT?)

1000 Hands project — an amazing event

{ September 19, 2007 @ 6:49 pm } · { community & culture, events, get involved }
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You have to check this out. (or this.) This is a playground that Visalia kids DESIGNED. And you’re going to help build it!

This is a really great project that I’ve personally volunteered for and will definitely volunteer again. It’s happening this week and this week only, so get off your lazy ass and go do something for the greater good. If you want to hammer things, drill things, lift things and piece things together while getting dirty and dusty with your neighbors that you never talk to and will probably never meet again, this is THE event for you.

You can volunteer any time from 8 a.m.-8 p.m. today through Sunday. Show up for one of 3 shifts: 8-12, 12-5 or 5-8. It’s at the new Visalia sports park on Dinuba Blvd. and Riggin Ave. in north Visalia. It don’t cost you a dime, you get some food for your time, and you have the priviledge of knowing your hands built something super duper awesome.

For more info, call 713-4384.

Seriously. if you have a bit of spare time this week, DO IT.

Queer Visalia

{ September 18, 2007 @ 5:07 am } · { big issues }
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I just stumbled upon two Visalian-based gay websites, and perhaps you can make of it what you will, but here they are:

www.OutVisalia.org
www.QueerVisalia.com

I’m not gay but respect people who have the courage to come out of the closet. I also see no problem with their right to marry — it doesn’t infringe on my own right to marry, so why the bother? But that’s just me.

Anyway, it’s good to see there’s a local gay community not afraid to speak out. However, the Queer Visalia blog doesn’t really speak out, nor do they have much to do with Visalia. So I’m not quite sure what to make of them, other than it’s a great start.

I do have to say this: that one picture of that one guy, um, needs to be, erm, hidden or obscured or… something. Because people who genuinely want to read what the gay community has to say will have to be sure there is no one looking over their shoulder and asking, “What the HELL website are you looking at?”

But then again, who am I to tell anybody what to do?

Ripping the flavor out of downtown

{ September 18, 2007 @ 4:16 am } · { dining, events, nightlife }
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I had this scheming cheap evil friend who shall remain nameless and is completely undeserving of any “friend” title I might bestow upon him for lack of better word to call him. Anyway, he told me about last year’s Taste of Downtown event. (This year it’s Oct. 2, by the way.) He also told me how he fully intended on purchasing a $30 wristband, with full-on finger quotes around the word “intended,” but they were sold out on the night of the event. This cheapskate jerk then told me about how he just approached the different restaurants and that it was so crowded they couldn’t keep track of who had the wristbands or not. The different restaurants let him eat without paying a dime.

Nameless Stupid Jerk was bragging about how he was ripping off the downtown Visalian bread and butter. The restaurants that need every dollar to stay in competition from the crappy Olive Gardens of this world. The very same restaurants Stupid Nameless Stupid Jerk Face complains about!

You, dear reader, must understand how Visalia-think is… “Oooh, there’s a _____ coming to Visalia!” To me, if you can recognize the name (and it’s not Trader Joes), it’s not worth eating at. Why? BECAUSE IT’S A CHAIN, STUPID.

Sure, not all chains are bad, but given the choice between sending money to hard-working locals with a dream to maintain a good restaurant or flushing money down the corporate-centered toilet, I hope you can grasp by my vivid word imagery that I would choose the former.

So Total Loser Cheapskate, I hope you read this and come to a realization that one day you will roast in a special kind of Hell, preferably one catered by Applebees.

Info from the Times-Delta:

“Visalia’s 14th Annual Taste of Downtown event will be 5-9 p.m. Oct. 2. Tickets are on sale for $30 now at the Downtown Visalians and Alliance business office, 104 S. Church St. Stop by and pick them up or call and have them held for you by using your credit card.

The event features 27 downtown restaurants. Armed with a map and, hopefully, good walking shoes, participants can start anywhere they like and stroll along tasting some of Visalia’s finest foods.

Bank of the Sierra will host a wine-and-cheese tasting 5-8 p.m., and Visalia Community Bank will host a beer tasting, also 5-8 p.m.

There will be root beer floats provided by A&W at Garden Street Plaza, where the St. John’s River Boat Band will play and the sounds of Still Water band can be heard as you walk past the Fox Theatre.

Information: 732-7737.”

Our Valley. Our Choice.

{ September 10, 2007 @ 10:59 pm } · { big issues, politics }
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So I sat my poor ass down in Borders and read all evening over a cup of coffee. The only place cheaper is the library, and they don’t allow drinks in there, out of fear they would spill it on their only copy of WordPerfect for Dummies 1990.

I spent some decent time perusing the usual piles of paperbacks they have by the register, and after coming face to face with supposedly the world’s worst dog yet again, I came across this book:

Our Valley. Our Choice.

I thought it was going to be another sort of local-author-finds-vanity-press sort of book. I was mistaken. It’s actually quite good. And informative. And visually appealing.

It’s published by the Great Valley Center, which is a nonprofit “supporting the economic, social and environmental well-being of California’s Great Central Valley.” Good enough for me.

If you don’t like reading (like many other Visalians — admit it, it’s true) this is still a great book. Lots of charts and pictures and blurbs and really great, stylish graphics throughout. It’s like “An Inconvenient Truth” for the Central Valley. And if I had any money on me, I would totally go out and buy it.

However, full disclosure, if you buy it through the Amazon link I posted, perhaps one day I will.

COS hosts Philosophy Talk

{ September 9, 2007 @ 11:19 am } · { classes & lectures, community & culture, events }
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COS Arts and Lectures series is at it again. They really bring some amazing stuff to little ol’ Visalia. Like this, taken from www.cos.edu/artsandlectures/:

Philosophy Talk

The program that questions everything
…except your intelligence.

Sep. 14 , 7:00PM
 COS Theater
$5 / ASB Free
“Philosophy Talk, a weekly, one-hour radio series, will be recording an episode live at the COS Theater. The hosts’ down-to-earth and no-nonsense approach brings the richness of philosophic thought to everyday subjects. Topics for past programs have been lofty (Truth, Beauty, Justice), arresting (Terrorism, Intelligent Design, Suicide), and engaging (Baseball, Love, Happiness).

This is not a lecture or a college course, it’s philosophy in action! Philosophy Talk is a fun opportunity to explore issues of importance to the audience in a thoughtful, friendly fashion, where thinking is encouraged.

Ken Taylor is Professor and Chair of the Department of Philosophy at Stanford University. His work lies at the intersection of the philosophy of language and the philosophy of mind, with an occasional foray into the history of philosophy.

John Perry is Henry Waldgrave Stuart Professor of Philosophy at Stanford University. He is a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences and a recipient of many honors and awards, including the Nicod and Humboldt Prizes. A popular lecturer, in 1990 he was awarded the Dinkelspiel Award for undergraduate teaching.”

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